I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
