Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
