apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
