yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
