If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
