i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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