I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
