you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
