burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
