i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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