her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
