He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
