Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I party with great urgency now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
