just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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