The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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