Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
