omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
