i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
