This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
