If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
