There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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