Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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