Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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