It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
