Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
