Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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