Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
