I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
