you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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