My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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