the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
