My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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