we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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