girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
