i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
