I am in a vortex of obligation.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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