Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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