Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize