Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
