I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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