i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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