You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
