Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
