Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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