Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
