i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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