So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
