I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
