the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
