so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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