By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
