Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
