you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
we should paint friendship bongs
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