I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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