she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
did i walk over a car last night?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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