Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
