Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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