we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
