So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
