the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
