Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
