I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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