I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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