Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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