Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
