just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
