Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
