I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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