I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
